Restraint
by ringscoastthesea
Summary: Nagisa's bedroom antics cause a rift in his relationship with Rei, and he endeavors to bridge the gap before it's too late. Originally intended to be a one-shot until I accidentally added plot.
1. One

_(Author's Note: This is my first-ever story I've published on here, and I'm super excited to see how it is received! There's going to be smut, so tread carefully and leave reviews to inform me what you like and what you don't like. I'm going to be updating a bit erratically, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.)_

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Let it be known that I, Nagisa Hazuki, am a total sexual deviant in the bedroom.

Well, not exactly. Compared to Rei, though, I am. I swear that he acts sometimes like a complete virgin, and maybe he is at heart, but I know for a fact that he's not. I make sure of it at least twice a week.

His face when I pulled out the handcuffs was expected; a cross between disbelief, embarrassment and just a hint of something unidentifiable that you'd have to look deep to find, which is something I'm great at. His cheeks flushed that dark, ruddy color and he tried to cover it by pushing up his glasses, only to find that they weren't there. I tossed them off a while ago, hopefully onto a soft and cushiony surface. We've broken pairs of them in the past, and Rei's family is getting suspicious.

Rei looks up at me with eyes of judgement from his place below my straddling legs. I just smile at him, twirling the toroidal shape of a cuff on my finger. My eyes go half-mast and I'm really, really hoping that he'll finally relent, even if it's just this once.

"Absolutely not."

Outright rejection. I stop twirling and hold a metal hoop in each hand out to Rei, who has turned away in his flustered state.

"Aww, c'mon Rei! You never wanna try anything new."

It's true. Over the past few months or so, I've brought a plethora of things over to add to our bedroom fun, all of which have been turned away rather vehemently by the butterflyer. If Rei weren't so cripplingly bashful all the time, we could be trying all sorts of stuff. I mentally tick off every item I've tried thus far: Toys, gags, roleplaying, even phone sex. And now, handcuffs.

He's still not looking at me. I lean down, pressing the cool metal of the restraints between our chests as I kiss the spot where his ear and jaw meet. I know that whatever I say in these next few moments could determine whether or not these things ever get used or just end up back in my drawer with the rest of my 'private stuff.'

"Please, Rei," I whisper. I run my tongue along the shell of his ear and nip at it, causing Rei to shudder under me. "I promise that it makes it better."

"Nagisa..."

I stop my teasing, using my hands on firm shoulders to lift myself up. "If you're worried about it being beautiful, we can make it," I try. Rei looks as if he's about to say something, but closes his mouth and avoids my eyes. At this point I'm not above playing dirty, and who could blame me? It's Rei's fault for being so stubborn in the first place.

The cuffs are cast aside before my hands begin rubbing up and down across the chest below me. I take care to brush each nipple on my way down Rei's body and listen as his breath hitches in his throat. God, he's so sexy. I set about drawing more of those sounds from him as I trace invisible patterns along his toned abdomen before my lips graze the skin below his sternum.

Undoing Rei has undoubtedly become a favorite activity of mine. Usually, it only takes a bit of exploring with my mouth and some lewd touches to turn him into jelly before my eyes but today, I'm not taking any chances. With my goal close at hand, I drag my teeth lightly down Rei's stomach, stopping at his navel to dip my tongue into the indent. I hear the sounds of hands clutching at the sheets and I smile as I head impossibly lower.

Rei's boxers have small butterflies dotting the fabric. If this were any other situation, I might have teased him for wearing such a thing, but the tent they're formed into in his excitement is far more eye-catching, anyway. Tortuously slow, I drag them down his hips while kissing and biting lightly at the jut of a hipbone. The mewl I get in response is almost enough to make me forget about the handcuffs entirely, but I shake it off. I'm so close to pulling Rei out of his damned comfort zone.

Finally, I pull the material low enough so that Rei's length bobs up eagerly to greet the air. I giggle and bring a hand up to lightly ghost over the hot flesh. Rei's cock is big enough to cover the height of nearly one and a half of my small hands, and if there was anything lacking in length, it's made up for in girth. I can barely wrap my fingers all the way around him.

I pump steadily at the base, reveling in the stifled moan Rei gives.

"Does it feel good, Rei?" It's a rhetorical question, but he still nods jerkingly as he comes up on his elbows to look down at me in this very endearing position.

"Do you want me to keep going?" Again, rhetorical, because what teenager wouldn't say yes to that? Rei nods again, his hand coming down to run tenderly through my bangs and rest on the top of my head. The guy has a thing for beauty, and I'm not going to complain if he thinks he sees it in me.

I pull back slightly and slow my hand even more, causing Rei to try and press my head down. He whimpers and throws his own head back as soon as he realizes that it's a futile effort. Perfect

"Maybe," I begin. "If we use the handcuffs, I'll help you out with this." I punctuate the sentence with a lick to the tip. A whine falls from Rei's lips at that, and he looks back down to me.

"Nagisa, please..."

Just a little more.

"Will you use the cuffs?"

Rei looks like he's contemplating and calculating the situation, trying to determine the exact numbers involved in getting me to go down on him without getting kinky. I've worked far too diligently to surrender, so I take the whole head into my mouth and hum around it in a question. Will you, Rei?

He gasps and I can feel him tense from the surge of pleasure that comes with such talented tactics from yours truly. I let my tongue run along the velvet skin and suddenly Rei's had enough.

"Yes! Yes, I'll use them!"

Success.

I hum around him again in reward, beginning to duck my head down lower and lower, methodically taking in more and more of him. I can tell Rei's trying really hard not to buck up into me, and it's a huge turn-on to watch him squirm like this.

I go down as low as I'm able, feeling the bluntness of the head hit the back of my throat. Smiling around my mouthful, I start moving. I take care to make sure my teeth are a safe distance from the sensitive skin, too, because the first time Rei let me try this with him he nearly had a heart attack when I nicked him with an incisor. I like to think my skills have improved some since then.

My tongue becomes a little more adventurous now, pressing up against the underside of his cock. I focus on the tip next, using the same muscles to circle it and catch the taste that forms as Rei starts to fidget so that his hips grind into the mattress. When I agonizingly slowly lick spot where his shaft meets the head, his body jerks and he makes such pretty noises that are enough to make me moan along with him.

"N-Nagisa! Wait!"

In lieu of listening to Rei, I create a tight vacuum with my lips and suck. I know that he's skirting the edge and I really do want to thank him for agreeing to indulge in my more risqué desires, even if it wasn't entirely of his own volition.

The gasps from above become even shakier and Rei's pleasure becomes more vocal. He threads his fingers through my dampened blond hair where I feel them tighten into fists. I notice his muscles flexing beneath my palms where I press onto Rei's trim waist to keep him from thrusting painfully hard into my throat.

My eyebrows come together in concentration as I quicken my pace. Vaguely, I hear the mess of a boy above me try to warn me of his imminent release, but it comes out more like "hah-oh! Nagisa-ah, I'm too c-clo-ohh..."

It's too cute, and I'm more than ready when his loudest moan yet is curtailed by a spasm of muscles. Rei tastes dully sweet, and I take shameless care in swallowing all of it before I lick once more and pull away. I sit straight on his thighs, trying to get the best view of my boyfriend post-orgasm.

I don't think I could stress it enough when I say Rei is the epitome of attractiveness. His hair is tousled and roughed-up just like the sheets and covers surrounding him and his breathing is erratic as he comes down from the summit of pleasure. As I'm leering over him, Rei unfortunately has enough consciousness to throw an arm over his flushed face and obscure the beauty he would be so fond of if he only knew.

I know it's really embarrassing for him to do these things with me, and I really don't enjoy making him feel self-conscious when it's just the two of us and the group isn't around for me to have to keep up my overly-playful guise. I really like Rei and I like that I feel I can let my guard down more with him than anybody else. I like making him feel as special as he is.

It's why I shift back up Rei's lithe body and place a chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth. "Did you like it?" This time, it's a genuine question and there's an almost worrying pause before his head nods without him ever moving his arm. I notice the harsh swallow he forces down and, more alarmingly, the quiver in his bottom lip. My face drops.

"Rei?" My voice picks up the tone most people would get when they lose sight of a loved one who was just beside them. "Are you okay?"

The only answer I get is a sniffle and a choked whimper. At once, I'm off of him and by his side, holding onto the bicep of the arm he presses into his eyes. I start babbling incoherently, trying desperately to fix whatever I did.

"Oh, Rei. Oh, shit, what did I do? Did I hurt you? Was it my teeth again? Rei? Rei, please, tell me! I feel so bad, I didn't mean to!"

I sound stupid and completely discomforting, but my chest is like it's filled with a gas that isn't air and my head feels weird and I can't help it. Rei's trying his damndest not to cry. However, his chest shakes and he's hiccuping something awful and any and all attempts to pry his forearm away so that I can just see his face are fought valiantly. By the time I give up, I feel selfishly like crying, too.

"Rei, I'm sorry," I whisper, voice quavering. "I would never try to hurt you, never. I love you, Rei, I love you I love you I love you-"

He lets loose a particularly loud sob and inhales messily before he speaks. "If th-that's t-true then wh-hy am I nev-ver good enough f-fo-fff..."

His sentence tapers off into more tears and leaves me miserable and confused. "Not good enough for what?" I don't trust my voice to say anything more. I reach out to touch Rei's collarbone only to feel my heart sink when he visibly tenses from it.

"Y-you're always trying to... To bring th-th-things into our sex-ex... B-because I can't make you f-feel good enooough."

Rei's words are like a slap to the face. I open my mouth to disprove him, to tell him that he is the only person in this world I have enough trust in to want to try these things with, but before I can get a syllable out, he continues. His speech is almost unintelligible through the hics and stunted breaths.

"And-d whenever we're aro-round Haruka and M-Makoto and Kou you say-ay such emb-barrassing thingsss... It ma-makes me... And you don't-t act like you s-say you fe-eel. Y-you don't act l-like you lo-ove me."

He cries into his palms now, cheeks red and very humiliated. I don't know how to process anything Rei confesses. All I know is that my eyes are stinging and that Rei is sitting up and wiping his eyes with his palms all without ever looking at me.

I hear the mattress groan as Rei's weight leaves it and he pulls on his boxer-briefs and school uniform slacks, still sobbing and hiccing from time to time. I feel shamefully bare even as I wrap my thin linen sheets around my middle and practically leap from the bed to... To...

I realize that I have no clue what this situation calls for. Tears are spilling down my cheeks freely, I stand dumbstruck as Rei crouches to reach beneath my dresser and produces his glasses. He dusts off the frames and groans in disgust when he sees what looks like a hairline crack in the lense.

"Rei..."

His damaged glasses balanced haphazardly on the bridge of his delicate nose, Rei ignores me and begins buttoning down his shirt. He's always had a unique ritual where he unbuttons his uniform from the bottom up when he gets undressed and vice versa when redressing. I always secretly thought it was cute, a quirk that I had committed to memory because it seemed so like him, so Rei.

I feel a teardrop trail down my neck and that's when I stumble forward and cinch my arms around his middle. I bury my face in the curve of his back and breathe shudderingly, taking in the scent of sweat and Rei. With a pang in my chest, I notice that he smells a bit like me from laying in my bed.

_ "Rei."_ My voice is quiet, as if talking louder might make things worse, disturb the situation even further. I want to explain myself, but I can only force out meaningless apologies. "I_'m so sorry. Please don't."_

Silence.

In a moment, I feel his warm hands on my wrists. I nearly cry out in relief, a gasping sob of a sigh relinquished from my throat. I make to squeeze him tighter, but those warm hands are pulling, untwining and returning my arms back to me.

I stand stock-still. Rei slips on his shoes without socks and grabs his bag. He doesn't turn around, doesn't glance back as he slams the door hard enough to ruffle my bangs from the rush of air.

I can't move, even as my limbs tremble as if I were freezing. Faintly, another slam resounds through the building. Rei's gone, I'm alone.

The tears stop, drying up and leaving only salty rivulets in their memory. I let myself sink to the hardwood floor and grainy, unswept dirt sticks to my palms and fingers. My sisters will be home soon, and I realize I need to get dressed. I pull on some loose shorts over my undiscarded briefs and fish around my dresser for a shirt, feeling numb. Like anesthetic is coursing through my veins in place of blood. Mindlessly, I tug out a rumpled shirt and straighten it out.

It belongs to Rei. Something I'd washed and forgotten to return.

For the next hour, I curl up under my bedspread and cry fresh into the soft T-shirt, louder than I've cried in a long time. All around me, it smells like him, enveloping my senses. I try to pretend it's because he's next to me.

I nearly yell until I hear the telltale resound of the front door slamming closed, finally holding my breath. The faint clatter of the handcuff chains on my hardwood floor follows almost immediately after.


	2. Two

_(Author's Note: A pretty short chapter, and after so long, too... So sorry! I'm getting a better feel for this story now, so updates will be quicker. This is in Rei's POV, and future chapters will alternate between the two. Lastly, a thank you to all who followed and favorited and left reviews! It was so nice to see feedback!)_

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The train stop is crowded, but not unusually so. Enough for me to meld through without being thrown questioning glances over my red eyes and stained cheeks if I keep my head down. As the heels of my shoes abrade the backs of my ankles, I begin to wish I'd taken the time to put on my socks. Though with a second thought, I don't regret a thing.

I walk with purpose, my stride fast-paced and angry. I'm sure the rest of me comes off just as sour and hostile; my disheveled appearance, my expression. I must look like I was just beaten. That, or run through a rinse cycle a couple times. I pause on the platform between a typical jaded businessman and a small woman with a smaller child in her arms. The woman looks at me with an almost concerned gaze and smiles pitifully, shuffling around her child all the while. I purse my lips and break eye-contact to stare down at the tracks, shamefaced. My energy reserved for being polite has been sapped dry.

Wiping my cheekbone with the heel of the palm of my hand, I focus on breathing deep and calm. Okay. Okay. Drown the din of everything else and try to forget that today just happened. I didn't just storm out of my teammate's house, I didn't just cry after climaxing, I didn't just let a boy half my size take advantage of me for so long.

A mountain of nausea culminates deep in my belly as the pricking of tears begins behind my eyes again. My hands fist at my sides and I can't help but chide myself for being so pathetic as to cry in public, and over a romantic interest, no less.

Ex-romantic interest. Ex.

By the time the train arrives, my posture is slumped and my eyelids are drooping and for a fleeting second, I think of Makoto and his sad eyes. I wonder if it is a side effect of being so invested in someone who doesn't reciprocate the way you want them to, the way you need them to. Under my breath, a bitter laugh escapes as the packed metal box that is the evening train boards.

Pressed in-between countless warm bodies, I feel disgusting, almost ill. A hot, thorough shower and a few extra hours sleep, the promise alone keeps me awake in longing. I'm still ahead on schoolwork, I can skip dinner. The day simply needs to end, and the abating vibrancy of the horizon is a beacon that tells of at least one thing going my way. Evening light reflects through the streaked windows and I squint, the fissure that branches out into my lower right glasses lens refracting the filtered sunlight in every which way.

Leaves are whipped up and above the car in its wake and as I watch the scenery of my hometown blur together in fractals from the corner of my eye, I hopelessly wonder if he meant what he said. I've never been in a position where I had to validate somebody's affection until now, what could I know? In the back of my mind, I can hear Nagisa's choked apology, every strung-together 'iloveyou' from today and afore.

Somebody coughs to my left and I'm reminded that playing devil's advocate is easy when the devil spends his downtime touching you in ways you've only heard about.

Any observant person might call me emotionally feeble, and I can't knowingly deny it. I've been this way since I was in elementary school, alternating only between two spectrums when socializing. Cold, calculating and on my toes at one end, open-armed and credulous at the other. It's been my downfall time and time again and I don't know why I thought this might end up any different. My hold on the handrail tightens.

A boy and another boy. Not typical, but familiar enough. I wanted to experiment and I sure as hell got to when Nagisa dragged me into the swim club and all the collateral that comes with it. Not a month after my initiation, I'd already given him my virginity as well as my phone number, email and my parent's work schedule. "Our own menage a deux" he'd said, and while I wasn't fluent in French I'm fairly sure that's both the wrong expression and just another way of saying friends with benefits.

He never pressed the matter of going further than just sleeping with each other and I never allowed myself to think hard about it long enough to actually act on it. It hung in the air sometimes, like a bad joke, though nobody wanted to touch upon it for fear of disturbing the already fragile stead he and I found ourselves in. We were still, however, best friends. A share of acquaintances was amassed between us, but none were kept so close as this. Haruka and Makoto and Rin were so caught up in their own thing of lingering childhood and competitive tensions that I was left on the sidelines, a wallflower with only Nagisa to keep and take company with me, and thinking back, he must have been just as lost in the mix as I was.

Night after morning after night of muffled goading and aching bedsprings, I felt myself become invested in him. I dreamed of gold the color of condensed sunlight and a smile that carried bliss on its coattails. I watched him sleep with his hand draped over my chest and pretended that we were together, a couple that would wake up together and kiss in the hallway and smile at the thought of one another before coming home to beckoning arms.

It hurts. It hurts because I still want to believe him. It hurts because, despite my desperation, my mind keeps turning to all that I've read about matters like Stockholm syndrome and I realize that I'd been battered into acquiescence and led practically by the hand into becoming his piece of ass. He'd had me wrapped around his little finger from the beginning. The thought alone makes the hairs on the nape of my neck stand and my jaw clench painfully.

I thought _I_ loved _him._

The train car lurches, resuscitating me back into reality. I shuffle mechanically around the throng of commuters filing out of the doors and in the direction of my home. Somebody to walk with would be nice, it'd keep me from lingering on anything. Given the circumstances, though, I suppose I wouldn't have it in me to keep a conversation going.

The only person who can overwhelm all thought with his perpetual chattering was the person I needed to put my mind off of.

* * *

In my bedroom, I stand in front of my wall-length mirror, freshly showered and unclothed except for fresh underwear, inspecting my body for any new trails of bruises staining my skin. Only the glow from the full moon assists me, and I keep it that way. It feels intrusive to see any part of myself fully illuminated, a childish notion I've clung to.

Faint yellow and mauve mottles my neck and collar from all the times he's sucked and tongued them until I've begged. Moving lower, more recent, my navel is reddened still against the pale contours of my abdomen. I swallow.

My boxers are stripped down and off my legs and my body tenses at the sight. Darkened fingerprints adorn the spots just above my hips in a symmetrical tattoo. I run my own fingertips across them, realizing that it's as if he still holds me though we're separate. I don't know whether to scoff or to give into the shiver that threatens to run down my spine.

I settle for cool, dark-gray sheets that are welcoming on my feverish limbs. I lie on my side, ear pressed to a pillow as I close my eyes and listen to traffic and the faint sounds of my parents tucking in the house. They arrived from work in the midst of my shower and waved a formal "hello" my way as I passed them afterward. I was already washed and kempt by then, but I doubt they would have asked if I had walked in the front door, tears and all. They took a solemn vow of neutrality when it came to parenting and over time, though I know they harbor filial adorations for me, I learned that keeping to myself was the preferred method. It left everybody happy in the way that a born-in-captivity animal might feel if it were to gaze upon a mural of its homeland painted on a dull wall.

I tried to avoid bringing Nagisa to my apartment under the principles that my family would never be keen on me being involved with him and that I like my room neat as pin, which our activities never facilitated. I would be a liar if I claimed that sex wasn't a big part of our relationship, after all. It was practically the foundation of it, just above the swim club. It was good, going from lack of experience, it was great. Despite Nagisa's chronic kinkiness, I had enjoyed it enough to plead for him, to spread myself wide and burn for him. My issues began after the fact, when we lay wrapped up in blankets and each other and silence. It didn't faze me at first but as I grew to need more than just release, I squirmed under the pressure of such stifling neglect.

It's both foolish and selfish to expect a genuine love confession out of the mouth of a high-school lover, but that didn't stop the side of me that uses logic as worry beads from filling holes in my thoughts. My mind is quick, I can perform algorithms like most can recite the alphabet, I can analyze and deduce to any extent. Yet this holds me in a vice grip, a hold I've spent so many nights like this, alone or accompanied, trying to loosen enough to just breathe.

I curl up, despite the humid breeze that streams through the open window. My hair is damp from sweat and shower water and it will probably dry at odd angles, and that's my last coherent thought before I slip into another familiar dream that leaves both my pillows and cheeks soaked.


End file.
